By: Fitzy McSullivan
I really wanted to use a couple different words that begin with C in the title to describe the alleged "captain", but coward seems to fit just fine today. I've known Tek was a fraud for years now, living off his own fabricated legend as some kind of a genius game caller. Because it's real difficult to stick a 1 or 2 between your legs. If you put a roulette wheel behind the batter with all of the possible pitches he could throw and picked them at random, you'd get the exact same results. You're trying to tell me Pedro Martinez wouldn't have been as good if he picked his own pitches? Oh wait, that's right, he did - because the pitchers just shake the catcher off and throw whatever the hell they want anyway. So why is Varitek so important? And if he's such a genius, why did the Red Sox pitchers have the single worst ERA (7.08) for any month in team history with the season on the line? If you ask me they should have kept Scott Hatteberg and let Billy Beane try to turn Varitek into a 1st baseman
And where was the "captain" when these pitchers he has so much control over were getting shitfaced in the clubhouse? He was on the bench for half the games sitting right there next to them, but he didn't know what was going on? Or didn't think it was a problem? What a joke. Here's his direct quote from his interview with another asshole who has long overstayed his welcome in Boston - Greg Hill of the WAAF Hillman morning show
Was drinking in the clubhouse wrong?:
“Wrong? Yeah, it’s wrong. Was it out of control? I don’t believe it was out of control. Did it happen and nobody’s aware of it that it’s going on? Absolutely, over a long period of time. Is this something new? It goes all the way back to ’04. Everybody giggles about [Kevin] Millar taking shots back then. It’s something that’s not good to be promoted in baseball, period. But for it to have been a problem? No.”
So which is is Tek? Is it wrong or is it not a problem, because I'm pretty sure it can't be both. It's like me telling my girlfriend. "Well honey, I know it's wrong that I banged your sister, but we were both drunk and didn't take it too seriously, so it's not really a problem." Yeah, maybe it's not a problem for you JV, but the rest of us want to punch you square in the face. Just like my girlfriend did when I told her I banged her sister - true story.
Then your fearless leader called you out. Yeah YOU!
Can the Red Sox bounce back next year?:
“The team can have it not be an issue. Can Red Sox Nation, and what builds and fuels this team? If they can’t get over it, then it’s going to be an issue.”
So now WE are the ones holding you back? Are you kidding me? Well I guess you won't have to worry about it when your Miguel Monteiro's backup for the Arizona Diamondbacks next year, so that's good for you. Because we're not over it Jason. Just like your wife isn't over you banging Heidi Watney while she was at home taking care of your kids. Ouch. Truth hurts doesn't it buddy. Don't worry though, I'm sure you'll have a long and fruitful 2nd marriage to the gold-digging whore who used to take it up the ass from Nick Swisher.
One last nugget from V-Tek (fitting nickname, he's just like those old phones that everybody used to love but nobody wants anymore)
What should the Red Sox look for in a manager?:
“The game’s developed and changed. Somebody to come in, fundamentally sound. What I mean the game’s changed is there’s a whole different speed element. We have some of those pieces in place, both offensively, defensively, to be able to have it on both ends. Because you look five, six years ago, the only team that ran was [Mike] Scioscia‘s [Angels], and then it went to [Joe] Maddon in Tampa, and now it’s dispersed, there’s a lot more small ball in the game. … People respond to somebody that’s a players’ manager. But I think here, with everything that’s gone on, yes you need somebody in here now that’s a strong personality.”
Jesus Mary and Joseph, doesn't Francona have enough tire marks across his back? How many times did he stick up for you when you were hitting .112, saying you had to be in there because of "how you handle the pitching staff". Bullshit. You're not the pitching coach. You're not the computer that spits out all the stats on hitting tendencies that your game calling is 98% based on. But Tito stuck by you anyway, because he believed in you. And you repay him by saying he didn't run enough and that he was a pussy? Yeah, what an idiot for believing grown fucking men in their 30's could police themselves. We've kicked people off my fucking slow pitch softball team where we keep a beer ball on the bench! So yeah, I guess Tito was wrong to assume a fraud like you could handle his duties as captain.
I mean, if you can't even handle being the leader of your own household, why would anyone expect you to be able to lead a team of men?
See ya later Jason, thanks for leaving us with such great memories
Oh and one more bonus quote, from the former Mrs. Varitek in a 2005 Vanity Fair article:
That's not the only stereotype these women have to deal with. In a post-Kobe world, everyone assumes that athletes' long absences involve on-the-road hanky-panky. Perhaps surprisingly, these women say they don't worry about that. Groupies throwing themselves at their husbands is just part of their lives. "It's hard to say you get used to it, but it's kinda like you just have to deal with it," Varitek says. "Everyone's got to understand, though, that he's a married guy with a family." She says she knows about other guys on the team cheating. "But after talking to friends, I've pretty much figured out that it happens in the business world, too. [Our husbands] do have more opportunity because they're away a lot, but so do businessmen who travel." Anyway, she says, she and Jason are strong Christians who go to Bible study even during the season (along with the Mirabellis). "And that's really what keeps us going: our faith in God, and you've gotta have faith in each other and trust each other."