By: Fitzy McSullivan
Well today was the day we all found out exactly what we already knew a month ago. Theo Epstein, who brought us 1 1/2 World Series (Duquette gets a 1/2 share for the 1st one) was introduced as President of Baseball Operations for the Cubs, while the guy who was GM by default when Theo ran away from Larry Lucchino in a gorilla suit last time was officially named GM of the Sox today. In case you care his name is Ben Cherington, and at this point the most impressive thing on his resume is the fact that he used to bang Wendy Nix. While most of Red Sox Nation is wondering who Ben Cherington is and what big changes are coming, I'm trying to figure out what the hell has changed? So the guy in charge left but everyone else is still there, drawing their "Beautiful Mind" equations on the wall and using Carmine the supercomputer to tell them things like "JD Drew is good at baseball, there's no such thing as clutch, and team chemistry doesn't mean shit as long as you have a higher VORP than the next guy". Just because the guy who pushes the buttons quits, doesn't mean the roller coaster ride is going to be any different when the next guy takes over.
By Beck's Rod
Forget trying to push the greatest collapse in Red Sox history out of your mind - how would you like to own a piece of it? In their never ending quest to push their fan-base into free-basing heroin, the Red Sox ownership announced yesterday they would be auctioning off memorabilia and game-used equipment from this season, including items from the very games that cost their season at the tail end of September. Yes for a cool price you can owe the baseball that fat sweaty Josh Beckett gripped with chicken-greased stained fingers as he delivered another shitty performance against the Orioles, dropping the hometown boys further in the L column. Yes for a low, low price you can own the base that David Ortiz jogged half-heartedly to after his fourth consecutive fly out. Yes in order to fatten the wallets of Tom, John and Larry so they can buy another race car or fly LeBron James in to Liverpool – you can own a piece of this Red Sox nightmare that came to life.
The C stands for Coward 10/21/2011
Public Enemy #2 - Jason Varitek
By: Fitzy McSullivan
I really wanted to use a couple different words that begin with C in the title to describe the alleged "captain", but coward seems to fit just fine today. I've known Tek was a fraud for years now, living off his own fabricated legend as some kind of a genius game caller. Because it's real difficult to stick a 1 or 2 between your legs. If you put a roulette wheel behind the batter with all of the possible pitches he could throw and picked them at random, you'd get the exact same results. You're trying to tell me Pedro Martinez wouldn't have been as good if he picked his own pitches? Oh wait, that's right, he did - because the pitchers just shake the catcher off and throw whatever the hell they want anyway. So why is Varitek so important? And if he's such a genius, why did the Red Sox pitchers have the single worst ERA (7.08) for any month in team history with the season on the line? If you ask me they should have kept Scott Hatteberg and let Billy Beane try to turn Varitek into a 1st baseman
Get Ready For Spookyworld 10/20/2011
If you are looking for more victims of the massacre of the Boston Red Sox 2011 collapse, if you are looking for more bloodshed and carnage, look no further than Fenway Park itself as the hallowed baseball park – the chapel where Ruth, Teddy Ballgame, Yaz, and Freddie Lynn played their hearts out - has transformed into Spookyworld. That’s right….Spooooooookyworld. As the Cardinals and the Rangers open an engaging, if not ratings-challenged, World Series to crown a new champion, and teams across the majors enter off-season mode, Thurston Howell (John Henry), the Skipper (Larry Lucchino) and Gilligan (Tom Werner) have had ghouls, goblins, and ghosts move into the bleachers, concessions and bullpens. Fenway Park is now the Boston location for New England’s infamous Spookyworld, one of many haunted attractions that pop up from here to New Hampshire every autumn that are all enjoyable if you’ve had more than 6 beers and/or 3 bong hits. Typically, Spookyworld, or any of the 50 other Halloween themed carnivals out there plays out like this: You pay a fee, and you get to go through several haunted “rides” which aren’t really rides, they’re more like darkened mazes where the unemployed 99% wearing face-paint and bloody rags jump out to spook you. You jump, you laugh, sometimes you punch them in the face like this guy, and you do this for about 20 minutes until you realize every “ride” is the same.
So here’s my problem with Spookyworld at Fenway Park. Well I have about 19 problems with Spookyworld at Fenway Park but my main theme is, well, ITS AT FENWAY PARK! You’re telling me that you want to hold a haunted house attraction in October in Fenway Park, after the scene of the most epic and ugly collapse in baseball regular season history, and you see no problem with that? I’m not saying this is the most ill-conceived timing in the history of the franchise… but this is the most ill-conceived timing in the history of the franchise. You want to line the field and gates with bloody corpses and zombies, after you just murdered the team, the manager, and half the fan base with all your ridiculous drama and bullshit with Fried Chicken-gate? People are not gonna know if the bloody carcass in the “Fear At Fenway” exhibit is a performer or Tito Francona’s body after being dragged through the mud.
Everybody On The Pile! 10/20/2011
A few of today's Red Sox collapse related links.........
This kind of Octoberfest is leaving a sour taste
Sox are in minority regarding beer policy
Johnny Damon: 'Players should have known better'
Source: Cubs set to hire Theo Epstein
Report: Padres looking at John Lackey (No this is not a story from the Onion)
Public Enemy #1 - David Ortiz
As the former President of the Lawrence chapter of Red Sox Nation and a fellow Latino, I have always defended Big Papi against the angry white media trying to tear him down like every other non-white superstar in this city. From the steroid allegations to the public contract disputes I was always on Papi's side, but this latest ESPN interview crossed the line.
"Too much drama" David? Funny coming from the guy who goes and cries to the media every time something doesn't go his way. Weren't you the guy who pouted because you couldn't handle going a week without the DH, forcing a gold glove first baseman to play right field to stroke your ego? Ever since people questioned you when you went into that horrible slump because you had to cool it with the juice for a while, you've had this chip on your shoulder like we all owe you something for hitting a couple homeruns late in 2004. It was great but it was 7 years ago and nobody cares anymore. They said the manager who finally won it would never have to buy a drink in this town again, and now they won't let him because the owners just said he's always full of pain killers. People have a short memory around here - and no matter what you did, what you accomplished, how many steroid-infused homeruns you hit, you'll forever be remembered for one thing....
For saying it would be nice to play for the Yankees.
Adios Papi, it was nice knowing you. People would be lining up to drop you, your baggage, and your $12.5 million anchor of a salary that could go to something useful like a pitcher or a DH who runs hard, keeps his mouth shut, and can actually play a position. We all knew from that stupid ESPN commercial with the alien Posada years ago that you were a secret Yankee suckup. I've seen you hug Robinson Cano more times than I've hugged my own father, and I know this has been your plan all along if shit hit the fan here.
Well here's hoping they sign you because it would make the Yankees suck more than they already do. But at the same time, I'd love even more to see you trot out in a Royals or Pirates jersey instead. A fitting punishment for an ungrateful, whiney, overrated, traitor.
Good luck making excuses after they approve the HGH test
Welcome to Boycott Fenway
It's time for the anti-Red Sox Nation to take a stand. We will not attend another single game at Fenway Park until a new ownership group takes over, and we want you to join our cause! Help us toss a big FU to the owners by helping us break the "sellout streak" and showing them a red streak of empty seats instead. Don't be a sucker any more - Boycott Fenway!